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‘Respect My Authoritahhh!’: Mark Zuckerberg Is Using One Of The FedEx Office Store’s Computers

That Charges Per Minute To Watch ‘A Bug’s Life’

Mark Zuckerberg Is Using One Of The FedEx Office Store’s Computers

We all know that power corrupts, so it should come as no surprise that one major tech CEO is currently wielding his authority in a truly uncouth way: Mark Zuckerberg is using one of the FedEx Office store’s computers that charges per minute to watch A Bug’s Life.

Wow! Zuck is really throwing his weight around!

This situation is currently playing out in a downtown Palo Alto FedEx Office location, where the Meta CEO has been sitting on an uncomfortable wooden stool for the past 45 minutes as he uses an illegal site called SeeMovie.com to watch the animated comedy A Bug’s Life on a computer that is currently charging his credit card at a rate of 44 cents per minute. Early on in the process, a store employee approached Zuckerberg to let him know about the high cost of using the FedEx Office computers for anything but a simple printing job, but Zuckerberg merely stood up and said, “Use the computers? Bitch, I’m the CEO of computers! And you will respect my authoritah!!!” After that, he resumed watching the film, but began to pause periodically so that he could take screenshots of the grasshopper played by Kevin Spacey, then print dozens of copies of said screenshots on glossy photo paper, all while shouting “Whateva, whateva, I do what I want!” to no one in particular.

He really does do what he wants, it seems!

After a second employee came up to Zuckerberg to let him know that he had run up an approximate bill of $350, the tech billionaire took out both his health insurance card and a Meta employee badge and shrieked “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH” once more. He then dramatically re-started A Bug’s Life from the beginning, cranked the volume to max, took a selfie of himself watching it, transferred that selfie to a FedEx Office flash drive, and approached the counter to demand to have it printed in the form of a $30 spiral bound photo calendar. Since then, Zuckerberg has spent most of his time convulsing in laughter at the fat caterpillar in A Bug’s Life, though every time another customer enters the store he takes a moment to stand up and say “I own the internet, I own the computers, I own the printers, I own the bugs! Everybody knows to respect my authoritah!”

Yikes. The man is out of control!

The fact that no one has managed to stop Zuckerberg’s frivolous antics shows just how absolute his power has become in Silicon Valley. But, hey, we guess you don’t get to one million friends without making a few enemies. Respect his authoritah!

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